today

Good morning!

His Compassions never fail.
They are new every morning,
great is Your faithfulness.;

Lamentations 3:22,23

This morning I am feeling pretty good. Yesterday I was way tired, but today God has blessed me with strength. I still don't understand why we do the things we don't want to do, things that harm us. Like me I am diabetic and I still can't seem to understand that if I eat the wrong things I am going to feel bad and end up hurting myself way bad.
I ask God to change me and everyday my selfish self jumps back into the drivers seat. SCREAM! Just for today, just TODAY I want to make right choices and eat the right things.

I wish that was my only downfall. I find that I have the "need" to tear people down to make me feel good about me. Now why in the world do I need to do that when Jesus has saved me? He took on a HORRIBLE death to save me. I want to be the woman He created me to be, but that self gets in the way(again). Telling me I am not good enough, I am stupid, that I can't do anything right. So to make me feel like I better person, I make sure I see the bad in other people.

Oh my I sound like a sick deranged person. I do see good in people, but sometimes I am jealous of that good. Sometimes I wish God had made me more like a skinny person, a rich person, a woman with a husband and kids. But who am I to say what God has choosen me for? Maybe being single I can lean on Him to be my husband, to care for and guide me. Maybe being fat I can have a heart for the underdog. I do have children that I love so much I really don't see how I could love them any more if they had come out of me. Jake and Eli are the first ones that come to mind, but also my Amy, who as a little girl stole a part of my heart and now as a grown woman has never given it back.

My best friend in high school had 3 girls. I was there when she got married and the birth of the girls (two came at one time!!). Now I have seen all the girls marry and the oldest is now pregnant.

So I have still shared in the life of some kido's growing up. My cousin has a daughter that has been the one with all the trouble. She is the one I love in spite of herself at times. She is now pregnant at 17 and the Daddy doesn't even know, yet. One baby on the way is a time of rejoicing for me ( I am gonna be a Grammy!) The other baby on the way is a time of fear and sorrow. I will love this baby just because of whose it is, but I am so fearful for this child. I pray God will work a miracle and this child will be born healthy and grow up in the center of His will.

Well this is enough rambling for now.
In Christ Alone
Wanda